Light me bright me match me cigarette me daze me amaze me

Well, he's gone. Not that there's much of a difference actually, I'd have to say. As I came in contact with his broad shoulders and his chest dug into mine, I'm not sure what went through my mind. My heart didn't race anymore. I didn't want to do things to him anymore. I didn't have to tell myself, "Be still my beating heart" anymore. I just wanted to.. smile. And stay composed this way. You don't do anything for me anymore. Get used to it.

I hate being scolded and put down for what I believe in, or for what I believe is right. It's all just a conflict of thoughts and someone has to give in somehow.

I don't think I've done much since I got back to Penang. It's been a week of nothing-ness. Lets see.. eating, meeting up with friends and getting a haircut.. I think that pretty much sums up my first week back in Penang. But hey, I'm going at a nice and slow pace. Least I won't suffer from panic attacks.

It's been a bit of a shock to all of us since knowing she has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I know it's selfish for me to say, but I'm glad I'm not at the stage where I start hearing about my friends dropping dead one by one yet. Life can be measured as a long or short journey, and who knows if yours turns out to be exceptionally short? Or painfully long?

Until this day, I can't understand why I let her get to me so much. Just seeing someone else with her name angers me. I do realize she's not worth me stressing myself over, but.. bah. She's probably the first girl I dislike so much (Well, before she started being an even bigger bitch). Why am I letting someone who behaves the way she does, someone who's so up herself, someone who probably dislikes me just as much, someone as manipulative as her, someone who can't even contain her goddamn horny urges, someone who says those repulsive disgusting lines to him, piss me off? I'm not sure if I can ever understand why.

Tsk tsk. Shame on yourself.

Currently listening to: Papa Roach - Last Resort