A kingdom for my horse!
Wow. I learnt how to light a matchstick today. Wow.
Yeah yeah.. I have no idea how to light one. Please get over it already. But hey it's still a minor accomplishment for me as I'm so freakin' paranoid and scared of fire. Fire freaks me out like nothing else.
A year older.. a year wiser? I was woken up by a few people with their thoughtful wishes.. some I can't remember who they are now as I was in such a confused awake-sleep state of mind. Mm now I can remember him being one of them. He said giving me a morning call was just as bad as egging me, which he intended to do at first. The thing about him is that you never know when he's kidding and when he's not. And I still don't know whether he was just kidding when he said he entered me in that stupid Ragnarok Online Teen Beauty contest. And then it was a flood of SMSes which led to a full Inbox. Heh it's really sweet anyway =) It's a good lazy day.
I can never be everything that you want me to be.
And OHH MY GOD I can't believe people are still asking me what I did yesterday on Valentine's Day.
Monday, February 16, 2004
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I'm not sure if I can remember what I did a year ago
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
AND before you open your mouth to ask me what I'm doing today and what plans I have later and who I'm going out with and what I've received.. shut it. Right now. Goddammit. I'm so pissed off with everyone bombarding me with these questions. GRRRRR. And as if I wasn't getting agitated enough, I saw her at the Japanese restaurant we were at. Her. Dammit. HERRRRRRRRRRRRr. One of the only 2 girls I dislike with a passion. !@#$. I can't stand her I can't stand her I can't stand her I can't stand her.
Yeah I need to take a chill pill. I've realized that a while ago, thankyoukindsir.
Things turned for the better when he gave me a call. I certainly wasn't expecting it, but it was sweet, like sunshine after the rain again. Just like how I felt last time when I saw him in the examination hall. Told him I saw his car parked outside Gurney just now, and turns out he called to ask whether he should buy a pair of black Converse Chuck Taylors. A bittersweet feeling churns inside of me whenever I see him or talk to him. It's strange to explain.. because I don't quite understand what's this I'm feeling either. In a way I can see through him, which is something not everyone can do as he puts on a strong face in front of everyone. I'm not sorry I've never seen him cry, as sometimes I can feel him crying inside as he pours out his feelings. He has a wounded soul, but I'm proud he's come this far.
I just realized a few days ago that I'll be leaving Penang and heading back to Melbourne by the end of next week. Whoa that was a pretty fast holiday break. So what has happened within these months? Hmm.. well, a few confrontations, a few tears, a few tantrums, a few excitements, a few relaxed occasions.. oh yeah it's been not bad.
I'm not sure whether I was actually surprised or just pretending to be surprised when he told me. Using 9 continuous SMSes, even. I used to say that all men were selfish, insensitive, unfeeling creatures, bastards who use only their dicks to think and that all of them deserved to die.. I changed my mind when I fell in love with one of them. I can't remember who he was, but it could've been him. Now that I think back, it might've been more of an obsession instead. By the way, just for the record, I'm back to thinking the way I did before I met him *smiles*
Completely off track here, but I just read that the Tsubi designers apply grass and oil stains onto the jeans by hand and charge them $300-$500 a pair (I should just go roll around in oil and grass and charge my jeans $1000). They actually even break windows using their jeans and throw them out of windows and tow them behind cars to get the looks that they achieve. They used to tie their jeans to rocks on Manly to allow the waves to create a 'stonewash' effect. HAHAHA OMG the mental image it's creating in my head is making me crack up so badly. Those boys are such retards.
Currently listening to: Third Eye Blind - Scooby Doo Where Are You?
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
AND before you open your mouth to ask me what I'm doing today and what plans I have later and who I'm going out with and what I've received.. shut it. Right now. Goddammit. I'm so pissed off with everyone bombarding me with these questions. GRRRRR. And as if I wasn't getting agitated enough, I saw her at the Japanese restaurant we were at. Her. Dammit. HERRRRRRRRRRRRr. One of the only 2 girls I dislike with a passion. !@#$. I can't stand her I can't stand her I can't stand her I can't stand her.
Yeah I need to take a chill pill. I've realized that a while ago, thankyoukindsir.
Things turned for the better when he gave me a call. I certainly wasn't expecting it, but it was sweet, like sunshine after the rain again. Just like how I felt last time when I saw him in the examination hall. Told him I saw his car parked outside Gurney just now, and turns out he called to ask whether he should buy a pair of black Converse Chuck Taylors. A bittersweet feeling churns inside of me whenever I see him or talk to him. It's strange to explain.. because I don't quite understand what's this I'm feeling either. In a way I can see through him, which is something not everyone can do as he puts on a strong face in front of everyone. I'm not sorry I've never seen him cry, as sometimes I can feel him crying inside as he pours out his feelings. He has a wounded soul, but I'm proud he's come this far.
I just realized a few days ago that I'll be leaving Penang and heading back to Melbourne by the end of next week. Whoa that was a pretty fast holiday break. So what has happened within these months? Hmm.. well, a few confrontations, a few tears, a few tantrums, a few excitements, a few relaxed occasions.. oh yeah it's been not bad.
I'm not sure whether I was actually surprised or just pretending to be surprised when he told me. Using 9 continuous SMSes, even. I used to say that all men were selfish, insensitive, unfeeling creatures, bastards who use only their dicks to think and that all of them deserved to die.. I changed my mind when I fell in love with one of them. I can't remember who he was, but it could've been him. Now that I think back, it might've been more of an obsession instead. By the way, just for the record, I'm back to thinking the way I did before I met him *smiles*
Completely off track here, but I just read that the Tsubi designers apply grass and oil stains onto the jeans by hand and charge them $300-$500 a pair (I should just go roll around in oil and grass and charge my jeans $1000). They actually even break windows using their jeans and throw them out of windows and tow them behind cars to get the looks that they achieve. They used to tie their jeans to rocks on Manly to allow the waves to create a 'stonewash' effect. HAHAHA OMG the mental image it's creating in my head is making me crack up so badly. Those boys are such retards.
Currently listening to: Third Eye Blind - Scooby Doo Where Are You?
Sunday, February 08, 2004
And I'm drinking my water
The first hour- "Do you really have to shape my eyebrows?" She nods and goes on and on about how much difference shaped eyebrows will make to my whole face. Apparently, I'll look quite astonishing and stunningly beautiful. By the way, I look like I have 2 furry caterpillars sitting on my face, for those of you who don't know. So the shaping begins. "Okay that looks fine. I don't like those really thin eyebrows lots of girls like. It makes them look so fake." But she ignores me and continues. "Okay okay that will do. I don't want them too thin." She finally listens and looks at my reflection in the mirror in front of me to admire her handiwork. I was somewhat disappointed. I didn't look that much astonishing nor stunningly beautiful. I just looked somewhat neater. And then on comes the layers of thick foundation. That was one mother of a foundation. My 3 pimples (YES I WOKE UP WITH ANOTHER GODDAMN PIMPLE ON MY FACE THAT MORNING) and shockingly dark eyerings were covered up within seconds. My skin appeared porcelain-like flawless. I looked scary, even, like a freak with skin that's too good to be true. Not a single line or wrinkle or sign of emotion. Whoaa. A small sticker is stuck onto the center of my left eyelid to balance out my double eyelids (right eye's double eyelid is much more obvious than left eye's). Gotta know all the tricks. Blue eyeshadow in shades of both dark and light are layered on and smudged. Liquid eyeliner is drawn and makes my eyes sticky for 10 seconds as I blinked frantically in dismay. "The eyeliner's making my eyes stick together." After a while they stop sticking, and she piles on electric blue mascara. Whoa. And I mean pile. My eyelashes clump together and there are bits of mascara sticking to the ends. Eurgh. THEN SHE GRABS THE EYELASH CURLER. Hello hello.. rule #1, NEVER CURL YOUR LASHES AFTER APPLYING MASCARA.. YOUR LASHES WILL BREAK. I was stunned for a while. "Err.. are you going to use that on me? Now?" She smiles and nods. "But but.. you're not supposed to curl after applying mascara. It makes your lashes break." AAH she ignores me and curls them anyway *sob* And she nips my eyes as well as she does it. Warm, pink blush then colours my pale cheeks and almost half an entire tube of lipgloss comes onto my lips. Talk about shiny. And yeah, NASA called me up at that very moment to warn me to ease up on the gloss- the light reflecting off my lips could be seen from space and was confusing astronauts. Off come my jeans and black tee and on comes a slinky black skirt and skimpy halter top. I make friends with the cameraman and watch him as he sets up the settings. Very cool black background. I make a few poses. I feel stiff. I'm told my emotions aren't sultry enough. Err, right. My mouth drops open slightly and I gaze into the camera with cat-like eyes. I get positive remarks. Okay, sultry it is then.
The second hour- I lie on the floor and remind myself to suck my tummy in and relax the muscles in my calves. Not working very well. The gigantic fan on the floor blows my hair like a mad woman. Off comes slinky outfit and on comes plaited Burberry skirt, white singlet and loose black top. And sky high brown heels. Ooh it's a different coloured background and looks like he's set up a few blocks to form platforms for me to sit on. I sit on top of the blocks and feel like I'm part of a Vincci ad. After a while I'm asked to kick off my shoes and sit onto the floor with my legs neatly tucked to the side. I'm starting to feel less stiff by now. The fan is still blowing at my hair and he has to keep asking me to pull my fringe down as it keeps getting blown to the side. Off comes good girl attire and on comes layered pink and white singlets, denim mini and pink Converse Chuck Taylors. He asks me to go get my hair done up, so I go. I watch my long hair being flipped casually into a bun and pinned, as long strands stick out from all angles. I'm immediately reminded of my Year 12 formal hairdo. I whiz back into the studio and hello, there's a grey fluffy stool in the middle of the set.. and a different coloured background, of course. "Act cute," he says with a wide smile. Errrrrrr, riiight. So I smile like mad and smirk like a schoolgirl and lean onto the stool with a cheeky attitude. Then he wants me to point my hand like a gun at my cheek with my left hand and do the same with my right hand, pointing towards the camera. Err. Okay. Man, I wasn't thinking I'd have to be this cute. The cuteness is finally over and off comes the outfit and on comes white and black pinstripe shirt with Audrey Hepburn inspired high collar and beloved Tsubi jeans.
The third hour- Ooh there's a groovy silver chair on the set when I return. So I sit on it and strike a few poses. I love the chair. And I'm starting to get the hang of the sultry look. Except he's starting to ask me to smile more. Fourth outfit comes off and on comes Lee jeans and black singlet. Sultry look is put to good use again. He then asks if I have any accessories with me, maybe a pair of sunnies or something. As a matter of fact I did. I was using my LV Cherry Blossom papillon and my shades were always in that bag. So I brought them out and he asked me to wear them on my head. Mmhmm no problem about that. A few smiles were flashed. I was then asked to push the shades down. "Eh? You mean wear them?" He nodded. How bizarre. I did it anyway.
The fourth *phew* hour- Off comes outfit and on comes red silk gown. He asks me to go get my hair done, and she twirls it up into a neater bun with more pins sticking into it. I return to the studio and the background's now a pretty shade of mandarin. I'm asked to lean against the wall of the background with my arms apart. And glare straight into the camera. Next, I'm instructed to put up one arm in a touching-the-high-wall pose with my other arm gently resting on the other. And glare straight into the camera. It's a few casual shots of my hands on my lower tummy after that. Then he brings in a white, high chair. Ooh eer me likes the chair. Shoots continue for a while until he informs me I get to choose my next outfit from their collection. I choose a gorgeous white silk kimono with pretty colourful peacocks and golden flowers sewn onto it.
The fifth hour- Gee I never knew kimonos were so heavy. Or that they had a tail at the back. Or that there was a pillow thingy stuck onto the back of the obi. Or that they were so high I was afraid my undies were going to show if I walked too fast. But it was sooo adorable! I then got my hair redone yet again. But this time, the top of my hair was poofed up and pinned, and the back of my hair was left down and drawn over my right shoulder. She then started applying some garish shade of pink lipstick onto my lips. "AAH that's too red!" She said it was just pink lipstick. Yeah, it's also bright pink lipstick. And I hate lipstick. Ew ew ew. Anyway.. I walked back cautiously to the studio, making sure I wasn't flashing anyone unintentionally and that I wasn't stepping on the tail at the back of the kimono that was trailing on the floor. Background colour was changed into a pretty red. Shots were taken and I ended up sitting on the floor in the end, with the sides of the kimono neatly tucked to make sure I wasn't showing off bits I don't want to be shown. It was such a pain getting into sitting position from standing up. "Smile for this picture." I smiled. "Smile more." I tried to smile more. "Bigger smile!" Okay okay, I let it go. Last flash went off and yay that was the last shot of the day.
Currently listening to: Pharrel - Frontin'
The first hour- "Do you really have to shape my eyebrows?" She nods and goes on and on about how much difference shaped eyebrows will make to my whole face. Apparently, I'll look quite astonishing and stunningly beautiful. By the way, I look like I have 2 furry caterpillars sitting on my face, for those of you who don't know. So the shaping begins. "Okay that looks fine. I don't like those really thin eyebrows lots of girls like. It makes them look so fake." But she ignores me and continues. "Okay okay that will do. I don't want them too thin." She finally listens and looks at my reflection in the mirror in front of me to admire her handiwork. I was somewhat disappointed. I didn't look that much astonishing nor stunningly beautiful. I just looked somewhat neater. And then on comes the layers of thick foundation. That was one mother of a foundation. My 3 pimples (YES I WOKE UP WITH ANOTHER GODDAMN PIMPLE ON MY FACE THAT MORNING) and shockingly dark eyerings were covered up within seconds. My skin appeared porcelain-like flawless. I looked scary, even, like a freak with skin that's too good to be true. Not a single line or wrinkle or sign of emotion. Whoaa. A small sticker is stuck onto the center of my left eyelid to balance out my double eyelids (right eye's double eyelid is much more obvious than left eye's). Gotta know all the tricks. Blue eyeshadow in shades of both dark and light are layered on and smudged. Liquid eyeliner is drawn and makes my eyes sticky for 10 seconds as I blinked frantically in dismay. "The eyeliner's making my eyes stick together." After a while they stop sticking, and she piles on electric blue mascara. Whoa. And I mean pile. My eyelashes clump together and there are bits of mascara sticking to the ends. Eurgh. THEN SHE GRABS THE EYELASH CURLER. Hello hello.. rule #1, NEVER CURL YOUR LASHES AFTER APPLYING MASCARA.. YOUR LASHES WILL BREAK. I was stunned for a while. "Err.. are you going to use that on me? Now?" She smiles and nods. "But but.. you're not supposed to curl after applying mascara. It makes your lashes break." AAH she ignores me and curls them anyway *sob* And she nips my eyes as well as she does it. Warm, pink blush then colours my pale cheeks and almost half an entire tube of lipgloss comes onto my lips. Talk about shiny. And yeah, NASA called me up at that very moment to warn me to ease up on the gloss- the light reflecting off my lips could be seen from space and was confusing astronauts. Off come my jeans and black tee and on comes a slinky black skirt and skimpy halter top. I make friends with the cameraman and watch him as he sets up the settings. Very cool black background. I make a few poses. I feel stiff. I'm told my emotions aren't sultry enough. Err, right. My mouth drops open slightly and I gaze into the camera with cat-like eyes. I get positive remarks. Okay, sultry it is then.
The second hour- I lie on the floor and remind myself to suck my tummy in and relax the muscles in my calves. Not working very well. The gigantic fan on the floor blows my hair like a mad woman. Off comes slinky outfit and on comes plaited Burberry skirt, white singlet and loose black top. And sky high brown heels. Ooh it's a different coloured background and looks like he's set up a few blocks to form platforms for me to sit on. I sit on top of the blocks and feel like I'm part of a Vincci ad. After a while I'm asked to kick off my shoes and sit onto the floor with my legs neatly tucked to the side. I'm starting to feel less stiff by now. The fan is still blowing at my hair and he has to keep asking me to pull my fringe down as it keeps getting blown to the side. Off comes good girl attire and on comes layered pink and white singlets, denim mini and pink Converse Chuck Taylors. He asks me to go get my hair done up, so I go. I watch my long hair being flipped casually into a bun and pinned, as long strands stick out from all angles. I'm immediately reminded of my Year 12 formal hairdo. I whiz back into the studio and hello, there's a grey fluffy stool in the middle of the set.. and a different coloured background, of course. "Act cute," he says with a wide smile. Errrrrrr, riiight. So I smile like mad and smirk like a schoolgirl and lean onto the stool with a cheeky attitude. Then he wants me to point my hand like a gun at my cheek with my left hand and do the same with my right hand, pointing towards the camera. Err. Okay. Man, I wasn't thinking I'd have to be this cute. The cuteness is finally over and off comes the outfit and on comes white and black pinstripe shirt with Audrey Hepburn inspired high collar and beloved Tsubi jeans.
The third hour- Ooh there's a groovy silver chair on the set when I return. So I sit on it and strike a few poses. I love the chair. And I'm starting to get the hang of the sultry look. Except he's starting to ask me to smile more. Fourth outfit comes off and on comes Lee jeans and black singlet. Sultry look is put to good use again. He then asks if I have any accessories with me, maybe a pair of sunnies or something. As a matter of fact I did. I was using my LV Cherry Blossom papillon and my shades were always in that bag. So I brought them out and he asked me to wear them on my head. Mmhmm no problem about that. A few smiles were flashed. I was then asked to push the shades down. "Eh? You mean wear them?" He nodded. How bizarre. I did it anyway.
The fourth *phew* hour- Off comes outfit and on comes red silk gown. He asks me to go get my hair done, and she twirls it up into a neater bun with more pins sticking into it. I return to the studio and the background's now a pretty shade of mandarin. I'm asked to lean against the wall of the background with my arms apart. And glare straight into the camera. Next, I'm instructed to put up one arm in a touching-the-high-wall pose with my other arm gently resting on the other. And glare straight into the camera. It's a few casual shots of my hands on my lower tummy after that. Then he brings in a white, high chair. Ooh eer me likes the chair. Shoots continue for a while until he informs me I get to choose my next outfit from their collection. I choose a gorgeous white silk kimono with pretty colourful peacocks and golden flowers sewn onto it.
The fifth hour- Gee I never knew kimonos were so heavy. Or that they had a tail at the back. Or that there was a pillow thingy stuck onto the back of the obi. Or that they were so high I was afraid my undies were going to show if I walked too fast. But it was sooo adorable! I then got my hair redone yet again. But this time, the top of my hair was poofed up and pinned, and the back of my hair was left down and drawn over my right shoulder. She then started applying some garish shade of pink lipstick onto my lips. "AAH that's too red!" She said it was just pink lipstick. Yeah, it's also bright pink lipstick. And I hate lipstick. Ew ew ew. Anyway.. I walked back cautiously to the studio, making sure I wasn't flashing anyone unintentionally and that I wasn't stepping on the tail at the back of the kimono that was trailing on the floor. Background colour was changed into a pretty red. Shots were taken and I ended up sitting on the floor in the end, with the sides of the kimono neatly tucked to make sure I wasn't showing off bits I don't want to be shown. It was such a pain getting into sitting position from standing up. "Smile for this picture." I smiled. "Smile more." I tried to smile more. "Bigger smile!" Okay okay, I let it go. Last flash went off and yay that was the last shot of the day.
Currently listening to: Pharrel - Frontin'
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Why do I bother?
It's strange how bad things always happen to good people who don't deserve it. And bad people always get away with the worst things.
No no no no I do not need these 2 pimples on my face when I'm having my pictures taken on Friday.
Gig on Monday was good! Must give it to White Light *clap clap*. Good job fellas, you guys sound better every time I hear you. Hey you, I know you read this sometimes. If you're reading right now, pat yourself on the back for me. You guys rocked. And regarding Damn Dirty Apes.. why haven't I heard them perform before?! WHY?? Man I've missed out on so much. Images of him pressing that red heart coated in red glitter against his mouth still float in my mind. And to you, thank you for fetching me around and introducing me to some pretty interesting people. You rock, as always =)
SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY!!!!
*pant pant* Bumped into her sister at Dome during the afternoon and was stunned when she told me she would be back tonight. I had forgotten today was the 4th of February. Man I can't wait to see her! I can imagine the both of us just trying to squeeze the living lives out of each other when we hug. Lalalallalalalalallalaa.
Finally watched Last Samurai today.. and cried buckets! (Well, okay maybe not buckets, but still.. I was crying a lot okay?) I must say Tom Cruise's acting skills have majorly improved. But everytime I see him on screen I just want to grab him and shave all his facial hair off.
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I CAN'T FIND MY GODDAMN SHOES AND I MUST GET RID OF THESE !@#$ PIMPLES AND I MUST GET RID OF MY DARK DARK DARK DARK DARK UNDEREYE RINGS AND I MUST GROW TALLER AND I WANT TO STOP COUGHING AND I WANT MY THROAT TO STOP ITCHING AND I WANT TO STOP HIDING AND I WANT MY SPEAKERS TO WORK AND I STILL CAN'T FIND MY GODDAMN SHOES AND I MUST MAKE MY STRAIGHTENED FRINGE LOOK LESS FUGLY. YES. FUGLY.
*pant pant pant pant pant* Rant over. Thank you. That has been locked inside my system for the past few days.
Currently listening to: Faye Wong - Beautiful Mistake
It's strange how bad things always happen to good people who don't deserve it. And bad people always get away with the worst things.
No no no no I do not need these 2 pimples on my face when I'm having my pictures taken on Friday.
Gig on Monday was good! Must give it to White Light *clap clap*. Good job fellas, you guys sound better every time I hear you. Hey you, I know you read this sometimes. If you're reading right now, pat yourself on the back for me. You guys rocked. And regarding Damn Dirty Apes.. why haven't I heard them perform before?! WHY?? Man I've missed out on so much. Images of him pressing that red heart coated in red glitter against his mouth still float in my mind. And to you, thank you for fetching me around and introducing me to some pretty interesting people. You rock, as always =)
SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY SHE'S COMING BACK TODAY!!!!
*pant pant* Bumped into her sister at Dome during the afternoon and was stunned when she told me she would be back tonight. I had forgotten today was the 4th of February. Man I can't wait to see her! I can imagine the both of us just trying to squeeze the living lives out of each other when we hug. Lalalallalalalalallalaa.
Finally watched Last Samurai today.. and cried buckets! (Well, okay maybe not buckets, but still.. I was crying a lot okay?) I must say Tom Cruise's acting skills have majorly improved. But everytime I see him on screen I just want to grab him and shave all his facial hair off.
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I CAN'T FIND MY GODDAMN SHOES AND I MUST GET RID OF THESE !@#$ PIMPLES AND I MUST GET RID OF MY DARK DARK DARK DARK DARK UNDEREYE RINGS AND I MUST GROW TALLER AND I WANT TO STOP COUGHING AND I WANT MY THROAT TO STOP ITCHING AND I WANT TO STOP HIDING AND I WANT MY SPEAKERS TO WORK AND I STILL CAN'T FIND MY GODDAMN SHOES AND I MUST MAKE MY STRAIGHTENED FRINGE LOOK LESS FUGLY. YES. FUGLY.
*pant pant pant pant pant* Rant over. Thank you. That has been locked inside my system for the past few days.
Currently listening to: Faye Wong - Beautiful Mistake
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