You're so damn hot

It feels like an oven in here. It's absolutely boiling. I've been turning, flipping, feels like I'm tripping, I've been trying to sleep, but it's too bloody hot.

Ah. Women. I was on the phone with her for over an hour. Crying, as usual. As much as I don't like to say it's usual. She's actually, seriously, looking for someone who'll say to her "I want to spend every second of every day with you". Sure it's sweet and all, but.. seriously?! I asked her, don't you want your man to have a life. She said, I guess we have different wants from men. And then she goes back to her idealized fantasies of how men should all be like him. As sad as it is, I used to want a piece of that. I used to believe in that. But of course, life just likes to come around to kick my ass at random intervals in time and I have either 1) awoken and smelt the fresh coffee, or 2) I have slammed the door and am refusing to even open the window. It's quite sad.

Is there some sort of unwritten rule, that you can't repeat the actions you've done for a previous partner? That you can't go back to the same restaurant you've been to? That you can't go back to the places that remind you of them? Then what happens, if you find the right one for you after many years, but find you have nothing left to do for them, because there are invisible signatures on everything?

It's like these unspoken words and unspoken thoughts. You try not to speak of them. You know, to prevent the same shit from repeating, same fights from occuring, or something. So what happens. Then what do you do. You push. Push. Cram. Imagine pounding each little thought into baby square cubes, and then you smooth them out, rough out the edges, simply to ease the agitation, to allow more time. And you slide these thoughts to the back of your head, straight into the room of Unspoken Words Unspoken Thoughts and you lock the door. One of these days.. the creaking on the door will become louder and louder, the seam's simply trying to hold everything together. It's crazy.

Because we all just want to be loved in the end.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back when you hang up on him; who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats; who holds you hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '..that's her.'"

Currently listening to: Wang Lee Hom - Kiss Goodbye