I would never lie to you no

Sigh. Today was a disappointment. Tonight was a disappointment. The songs were crap. The atmosphere was crap. There were too many girls who resembled tarts/skanks/sluts dressed into little pieces of cloth they call clothes there who kept using their big asses to bump me. My tummy was hurting. Fucking cramps. It was bloated - water retention. My blood was dripping all over the place. I just wanted to be home and have my warmed up herbal pack sitting on my tummy. How the hell could I dance when all I felt were my cramps and the wetness of blood? It did cross my mind earlier on in the evening.. but then I had already told him I was going. I thought it would make a difference whether I went or not. Guess I was wrong. There wasn't even a thank you. Or an acknowledgement. Or a hug. Or even a handshake. All I got was a stomp on my foot. He reminded me so much of him tonight. It was the same place.. and he carried the same attitude as he did. Except the second him actually drove me there. Bah. I don't think I'm going to bother anymore. I should just forget about it and let it go. Things have changed. And now my hair stinks of smoke.

I don't know why my hands are practically covered in paper cuts. Why am I so goddamn prone to them? Or am I just so incredibly careless when it comes to paper? Geez. I just got 2 fresh ones last night and they sting like hell.

I watched The Butterfly Effect twice. No, not just to perve over Ashton, mind you. Just to accompany different friends. I thought the movie was still good second time around. As I walked home after after the movie, I bumped into her. They had just broken up. I thought they were the sweetest couple. One Asian Hongkie chick, one Aussie white guy. 3 years. Sigh. The movie got me thinking. It just proved the chaos theory to me once again. One thing always leads to another. Everything's connected. I thought to myself - as I am walking now, what would happen if I walked 10 seconds slower? Or 10 seconds faster? Would I have missed an accident? Would something tragic have happened to me that I would never know about because it never would've happened? Would I bump into the person I'll spend the rest of my life with? Would I have seen a few familiar faces that otherwise would miss me if I had walked 10 seconds slower?

If I had said yes, what kind of a life would I have now? Where would I be now? If I didn't look towards the right that day in Chinatown, where would I be now? What would've happened in between? Who would make me cry? These things happen not because we choose them to - they happen because they just do. Take a look at the big picture.

And is random ever random???

And why in the world do people keep thinking I'm Hongkie/Taiwanese/Japanese? "She's definitely Hongkie, I swear. I'm telling you.. she's Hongkie! I'm sure! I know I'm right! She is! Ask her and see!" I heard him whisper to him, sitting right behind me. Nice try to being discrete.

Yeah it's 3:59am. I'm gonna vacuum the place. So much of my hair all over the place. Eurgh. My own hair pissing me off.

Currently listening to: OK Go - Get Over It